Jump to content


Photo

The factual, positive, promotion of CATONS!

Catons shoes facts promotion

  • Please log in to reply
18 replies to this topic

#1 Chaos

Chaos

    Red Train Hero

  • Members
  • 954 posts
  • NNID:ChaoticPikachu
  • Fandom:
    Anime

Posted 27 December 2013 - 11:09 PM

"WOW DESU" - actual consumer quote after buying and trying a pair of Catons.

 

Many of you are probably asking, "what are these mysterious Catons?"

 

Well have I got news for you! It is a device that has been kept underground for 3 years now. You set it on top of your shoes and POOF! It ties your shoes for you! No more bending down and obliterating your spine while trying to tie your shoes! YES!

 

Now you guys are probably wondering, "You put in the title that there were positive facts about these devices of WONDER, where are they? desu"

 

WELL HERE THEY ARE!

 

Did you know that only 3 people a day go deaf from the intense screech that is emitted from this magical device! No more no less! If you buy one today, it will help us reach our goal 2.5 deaf people a day!

 

On average, 20 deaths are recorded from the use of this insanely awesome device called a Caton each week! THAT'S AN ALL TIME LOW!

 

And last but not least, 15-20 people per day have lost an arm or two from this amazing gift depending on the temperature outside! Can you say the same thing chain saws? NOPE!

 

Just think of all of those other daily devices you use and how many lives, arms or hearing abilities have been lost to said devices. 

 

Buy today and support our funding for Mini Catons! Half the deaths, twice the pain! Tie your shoes on the go!

 

An accurate drawing of a Mini Caton on a shoe below.

SYX788X.png

BUY NOW FOR 6 EASY PAYMENTS OF 99.99 AND GET A SECOND ONE FOR FULL PRICE! Tie your shoes today!


Edited by Chaos, 28 December 2013 - 02:31 AM.


#2 Mignaga

Mignaga

    JOO TAKE MAH EMMERROWDS?!

  • Members
  • 1,504 posts
  • Fandom:
    Zero Escape Metroid Madoka

Posted 27 December 2013 - 11:11 PM

How many per customer, because I want all of them.


Mig_Sig.png

Be wary, the suck is coming.


#3 Chaos

Chaos

    Red Train Hero

  • Members
  • 954 posts
  • NNID:ChaoticPikachu
  • Fandom:
    Anime

Posted 27 December 2013 - 11:15 PM

How many per customer, because I want all of them.

You are in luck! For a simple arm and a leg you can buy as many of these machines as you want, that way you can get rid of your other arm and leg! 

 

10/10 agree! You will not be happy with this device! Buy now!



#4 DANT3

DANT3

    Bullet Bill

  • Members
  • 386 posts

Posted 27 December 2013 - 11:22 PM

I've heard that 7 people are reported missing every month because of Catons. Is this true?



#5 Chaos

Chaos

    Red Train Hero

  • Members
  • 954 posts
  • NNID:ChaoticPikachu
  • Fandom:
    Anime

Posted 27 December 2013 - 11:36 PM

I've heard that 7 people are reported missing every month because of Catons. Is this true?

you misspelled "week" but yes, 7 people go missing each week. This is due to the large increase in toothpaste over the last 2 years and has almost nothing to do with us or our company as a whole.


Edited by Chaos, 27 December 2013 - 11:37 PM.


#6 Horchata

Horchata

    Chicken

  • Members
  • 119 posts

Posted 28 December 2013 - 12:33 AM

What can I say about the catons that hasn't already been said about the wheel, penicilin, or the iPhone... this is one of the greatest inventions of all time.

Who could of thought of something like this? And that’s when I knew…clearly we are not alone in this universe. A simple human could not have created a machine this genius.

I can't believe I have wasted time of my existence on this earth by not having these wonderful catons. All this time I have been staring at my shoes like a complete IDIOT wasting countless seconds tieing my shoes.


Edited by Chicken, 28 December 2013 - 12:41 AM.

Posted Image

#7 Chaos

Chaos

    Red Train Hero

  • Members
  • 954 posts
  • NNID:ChaoticPikachu
  • Fandom:
    Anime

Posted 28 December 2013 - 12:44 AM

What can I say about the catons that hasn't already been said about the wheel, penicilin, or the iPhone... this is one of the greatest inventions of all time.

Who could of thought of something like this? And that’s when I knew…clearly we are not alone in this universe. A simple human could not have created a machine this genius.

I can't believe I have wastdr time of my existence on this earth by not having these wonderful catons. All this time I have been staring at my shoes like a complete IDIOT wasing countless seconds tieing my shoes.

That's what everyone thinks at first, you will forget everything once you get your hands on a pair of these! Your life will be so much better! And if you want to lose a couple of pounds, having no arms will easily help! Your health will be at it's peak!



#8 KingBoo

KingBoo

    Walka

  • Members
  • 356 posts
  • NNID:Kingofboos
  • Fandom:
    Mentos, bunnies, and anything Nintendo.

Posted 28 December 2013 - 08:41 AM

advertising. BANNED TO THE DUNGEON!


Edited by KingBoo, 28 December 2013 - 08:53 AM.

bb0.gif


#9 Ninty64X

Ninty64X

    Bob-omb

  • Members
  • 255 posts
  • Fandom:
    MST3K, Animation, Metal Gear, OddWorld

Posted 28 December 2013 - 09:27 AM

My house burnt down when I used a pair of catons. Can I get a refund?


On the hunt for her dad's killer, she learns she needs to step up her game. It's time to unleash some superpowers. - Netflix's amazing Kill La Kill description


#10 Chaos

Chaos

    Red Train Hero

  • Members
  • 954 posts
  • NNID:ChaoticPikachu
  • Fandom:
    Anime

Posted 28 December 2013 - 01:58 PM

My house burnt down when I used a pair of catons. Can I get a refund?

That was just the Catons telling you that it is time to get a new house!



#11 kirbylover

kirbylover

    Kirby And Pikachu are Freakin awesome

  • Members
  • 407 posts
  • Fandom:
    kirby,mario kart,mario,anything nintendo

Posted 28 December 2013 - 06:44 PM

The catons made me run away from a shiny ho oh on heart gold! I'll sew you!


Signature_Mewtwo.png

Pokedex entry: Mewtwo: The butt pokemon. It is really sexy and any pokemon that sees it wants to have sex with it. It's power comes from it's butt.


#12 DANT3

DANT3

    Bullet Bill

  • Members
  • 386 posts

Posted 28 December 2013 - 09:13 PM

sew

ls-2125.jpg



#13 Chaos

Chaos

    Red Train Hero

  • Members
  • 954 posts
  • NNID:ChaoticPikachu
  • Fandom:
    Anime

Posted 28 December 2013 - 09:14 PM

The catons made me run away from a shiny ho oh on heart gold! I'll sew you!

No



#14 TheUltimateWaddleDee

TheUltimateWaddleDee

    That Guy

  • Members
  • 2,077 posts
  • NNID:UltimateWaddleD
  • Fandom:
    Nintendo, Metal Gear, and WADDLE DEE!

Posted 28 December 2013 - 09:57 PM

Amazing. I've had them for a few days and I've only lost my entire family and left side of my body. I've also created what looks like a portal to hell and some wierd demon-like mass. I've named him Jeffery, and he seems to like me so much he won't let go of my head. Not only do Catons tie your shoes for you, they make friends.
10/10 Would Bang.

KtOSpy7.jpg
I will not die until I achieve something. Even though the ordeal is high, I never give in. Therefore, I die with no regrets~Ikaruga Prologue
http://fc05.devianta...ask-d5k49sd.jpg


#15 Chaos

Chaos

    Red Train Hero

  • Members
  • 954 posts
  • NNID:ChaoticPikachu
  • Fandom:
    Anime

Posted 28 December 2013 - 11:45 PM

Amazing. I've had them for a few days and I've only lost my entire family and left side of my body. I've also created what looks like a portal to hell and some wierd demon-like mass. I've named him Jeffery, and he seems to like me so much he won't let go of my head. Not only do Catons tie your shoes for you, they make friends.
10/10 Would Bang.

Yes! With a pair of Catons on your shoes, your life will be miserable. So why wait?! Kill yourself today!



#16 Ghost

Ghost

    BASEDGOD

  • Members
  • 376 posts

Posted 29 December 2013 - 08:11 AM

Yes! With a pair of Catons on your shoes, your life will be miserable. So why wait?! Kill yourself today!

 

Sir, I'm a really pathetic human with a 5.0GPA and making $100,000 per year. I just need something new in my life, will Catons do this for me? 



#17 Chaos

Chaos

    Red Train Hero

  • Members
  • 954 posts
  • NNID:ChaoticPikachu
  • Fandom:
    Anime

Posted 29 December 2013 - 03:34 PM

Sir, I'm a really pathetic human with a 5.0GPA and making $100,000 per year. I just need something new in my life, will Catons do this for me? 

Why of course! Without arms, you can dress like a homeless person and people will feel so sorry for you for having no arms that you will earn at least 400,000 dollars each day!



#18 Auzzie Wingman

Auzzie Wingman

    Mournblade

  • Members
  • 4,346 posts
  • NNID:AuzzieWingman
  • Fandom:
    Not enough space here

Posted 07 January 2014 - 04:20 AM

NO ONE BUY THE BLOODY CATONS!

 

This man is under arrest for the resale of radioactive material stolen from army bases international as these "Catons". Originally over 60 nations wanted to have this man put before a UN court.

 

But now, after causing half the global population to mutate from wearing these "Catons", they just want to watch him burn... in space.


Trophy Cards are classy too! LOLZIGZAGOON

 

AuzzieWingman.png


#19 Chaos

Chaos

    Red Train Hero

  • Members
  • 954 posts
  • NNID:ChaoticPikachu
  • Fandom:
    Anime

Posted 07 January 2014 - 03:12 PM

NO ONE BUY THE BLOODY CATONS!

 

This man is under arrest for the resale of radioactive material stolen from army bases international as these "Catons". Originally over 60 nations wanted to have this man put before a UN court.

 

But now, after causing half the global population to mutate from wearing these "Catons", they just want to watch him burn... in space.

Oh crap, who would have thought that the government would have found me on such a public website! Looks like it's time to split again! YOU WILL NEVER CATCH ME!






1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

Anti-Spam Bots!