14 replies to this topic

[Brian6330]

Hey guys, a few days ago I did a little poem about life, so yeah.


Here it is:


Life…
Why is it so painful?
Why is there so much hurt?
What did I do wrong?

Everybody says
That life isn’t fair,
But why?
With all the flair it contains,
I expected more.

People…
People tell you to cheer up.
But how?
Why?
Is there even any purpose for this?

We are born,
We grow up,
We get old,
We die.
But for what?

In the end,
nothing really matters.

All you work for,
LIVE for…
It can all abandon you
In the blink of an eye.

Now,
The worst part?
You can’t do anything against it.
Nothing…
Nothing at all.



My Deviantart Profile (Where I upload my poems and short stories... Mostly poems though)

[HaoSenVastForest]

Maybe you should convert to Buddhism because this is exactly how a Buddhist thinks! (No bias intended I do not mean to offend any religion at all in saying that)

Buddhism believes that the only hell is life and to go on to heaven you must understand that life is hell. If you do not understand it then when you die you will simply be reincarnated.

[Crackkat]

nice poem, but i expected a moral to come at the end like "u may aswell have as much fun in ur life as u can"

[Xiombarg]

An interesting poem, somewhat dark yet truthful about the world. The only criticism I have would be after the end of the first part, you didn't move the repetition to another line.

Now,
The worst part?
You can’t do anything against it.
Nothing…
Nothing at all.Life…
Why is it so painful?
Why is there so much hurt?
What did I do wrong?

Your poetry seems interesting, so I'll watch you on DA.

Maybe you should convert to Buddhism because this is exactly how a Buddhist thinks! (No bias intended I do not mean to offend any religion at all in saying that)

Buddhism believes that the only hell is life and to go on to heaven you must understand that life is hell. If you do not understand it then when you die you will simply be reincarnated.

I beg to differ, as the point of Buddhism is to reach the state of Nirvana, a state of nothingness and void of all of life's pains. In Buddhism, existence itself is a pain so people strive for the state of Nirvana, which is completely different than the Western concept of Heaven. Eastern philosophies don't mix well with western as Western philosophies are almost always a dichotomy. Maybe it's just the East/West barrier that prevents real communication, though.

[Elric]

Maybe you should convert to Buddhism because this is exactly how a Buddhist thinks! (No bias intended I do not mean to offend any religion at all in saying that)

Buddhism believes that the only hell is life and to go on to heaven you must understand that life is hell. If you do not understand it then when you die you will simply be reincarnated.

I totally disagree with this. Buddhism is not at all about understanding that life is hell and you must realize that to go to heaven. The goal for anyone who believes in Buddhism is to achieve Nirvana, as Mournblade explained it is the state of nothingness. In Buddhism they believe that desire is evil, and in order to achieve true happiness one must get rid of all desires. They believe that desire actually causes sadness has a negative image. Buddhism is about be content to achieve true happiness, not hating the world you live in to get into heaven.

---
Anyway, I liked the poem. The negative mood was nice, as I also usually write these kind of poems. A suggestion I have next time is that you should change the mood. Convey one image, then all of the sudden convey another image that may convey a different mood that the previous. It was good. I want more though. I loved the repetition.

Edited by Elric, 14 February 2012 - 03:12 PM.

[Brian6330]

Anyway, I liked the poem. The negative mood was nice, as I also usually write these kind of poems. A suggestion I have next time is that you should change the mood. Convey one image, then all of the sudden convey another image that may convey a different mood that the previous. It was good. I want more though. I loved the repetition.

You told me this last time, but for this one the goal was to remain negative.

Maybe you should convert to Buddhism because this is exactly how a Buddhist thinks! (No bias intended I do not mean to offend any religion at all in saying that)

Buddhism believes that the only hell is life and to go on to heaven you must understand that life is hell. If you do not understand it then when you die you will simply be reincarnated.

... I am part Buddhist and part Evolutionist. Now, don't forget... there's different kinds of Buddhism.

Also, like the two others said; it's never about life being hell. It's about finding Nirvana - the state of nothingness.

I might not meditate or say Mantras, but I do try to take parts of the mentally it has and insert them into my character here and there. I have it more to become a better person... the best I can be.

Now, I won't get into the whole thing as to why I'm more into Buddhism, even though my grand-dad's was a Christian Priest. (My dad is a Buddhist as well. He meditates every now and then and even has a German and English Buddhism blog... Dealing about Anatmavada/Anatman)

But yeah, nobody ever says life is hell and you'll be reincarnated to "learn a lesson". That seems to be me more like Hinduism, where you are reincarnated as a Fly or Cockroach if you are a bad person or as a butterfly or human (just examples) if you're a good person.

Don't get your religions mixed up

[Zok]

Brian, I really liked it. It makes sense.

Brian, I really liked it. It makes sense.

[Waller]

You told me this last time, but for this one the goal was to remain negative.

Why not end positive and start negative

Joking, I know everything about poetry.

I hated it, Brian, very crappy poem

[Soul]

I don't like it, it depresses me. I'm having problems and this does not help.

[HaHa-No]

That was a bit grim D:

Went well with complaints about human behaviour from a good band though .
Oh, yes, the poem;
I liked it ^3^, the repetition was cool.
I'd advise not posting this most places though, emo accusations will be flying out by the minute.

Edited by HaHa-No, 28 February 2012 - 07:25 AM.

[Joshua]

I don't like it.
It conflicts with my view on life. Live your life with a positive and optimistic attitude. Life it the way you want it to be, not how you see it in front of you.
While it would take multitudes of effort to do so, the end result is pleasant.

I mean hey, I'm a living example.
I'm loving my life and the people I spend it with.
And to be honest, none of this would have been possible if it weren't for my Christian background; but I'm not going to discuss that here.

[GeneralCraezy]

You should of just said "life is crap, get used to it." :L

Edited by GeneralCraezy, 28 February 2012 - 11:42 AM.

[Brian6330]

I don't like it.
It conflicts with my view on life. Live your life with a positive and optimistic attitude. Life it the way you want it to be, not how you see it in front of you.
While it would take multitudes of effort to do so, the end result is pleasant.

I mean hey, I'm a living example.
I'm loving my life and the people I spend it with.
And to be honest, none of this would have been possible if it weren't for my Christian background; but I'm not going to discuss that here.

I am optimistic. This poem was done for a sad character in a story. A girl who was raped. And I was just in the mood to do a poem like that. I'm an usually optimistic and happy guy, so don't worry

[Zok]

I liked it. It thought it had a good point.

[Chinomanila]

Dude, no joke that really touched me.